Dear Betsy

Dear Betsy - Advice Column

With a tip of the hat to the enduring appeal of the “Dear Abby” column, Betsy, the oldest of the R&R cows and self-proclaimed boss lady, unveils her new advice column. Learn more about Betsy.

 

12-14-2017

Dear Betsy: I’m really trying to watch my weight and eat healthy. Are cupcakes considered health food? – Annabelle, the Cow

Dear Annabelle: Once you lick the frosting off a cupcake, it becomes a muffin… and muffins are healthy. You’re welcome.

 

12-7-2017

Dear Betsy: Seems all the animals have Christmas on their minds and are getting overly rambunctious. What’s the best way to keep them from misbehaving? – Jennifer, the Rype & Readi Store Manager

Dear Jennifer: Wrap up some empty boxes in Christmas paper and each time one of them misbehaves, toss it in the fire. They’ll shape up quickly.

 

11-30-2017

Dear Betsy: My chicks ignore me most of the time. What’s the best way to get the attention of my brood? – Paprika, the Hen

Dear Paprika: Lean in close and whisper. It’s much scarier.

 

11-23-2017

Dear Betsy: I’m disappointed to be missing my soap operas on Thanksgiving Day when all the family comes home to roost. What can I do? – Paprika, the Hen

Dear Paprika: Don’t worry. One family gathering and you’re set with enough drama to last a lifetime.

 

11-16-2017

Dear Betsy: Paprika makes some of the worst choices. What can I do about it? – Pedro, the Rooster

Dear Pedro: For starters, I wouldn’t criticize her choices. After all, you’re one of them.

 

11-9-2017

Dear Betsy: Paprika keeps asking me, “What?” I’m wondering if her hearing is getting bad. What do you think? — Pedro, the Rooster

Dear Pedro: Her hearing is fine. She’s giving you a chance to change whatever it was you said.

 

11-2-2017                                                                                      

Dear Betsy: Is it true that I need to bend over backwards to please my new heart throb? – Clyde, the Donkey

Dear Clyde: Better than bending over backwards would be to show her that you have backbone.

 

10-26-2017

Dear Betsy: Is true that love is blind? – Montey, the Donkey

Dear Montey:  Yes, love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.

 

10-19-2017

Dear Betsy: I overheard some girls talking about the kind of man to marry. Is it true that men with pierced ears are better marriage material? – Annabelle, the Cow

Dear Annabelle: Could be. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.

 

10-12-2017

Dear Betsy: I need to hire a lawyer for a little mishap last week. How do I determine a good lawyer from a bad one? – Gomez, the Goat

Dear Gomez: A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge. Good luck.

 

10-5-2017

Dear Betsy: I can’t shake the feeling that someday I might be kidnapped. What can I do? – Caramel, the Babydoll Sheep

Dear Caramel: The more you weigh, the harder you are to kidnap. Stay safe, eat cake.

 

9-28-2017

Dear Betsy: I’m worried that my boyfriend may walk out on me. What should I do if that happens? – Annabelle, the Cow

Dear Annabelle: Shut the door.

 

9-21-2017

Dear Betsy: When I ask Paprika to stop talking she gets as mad as a wet hen. How can I get her to be quiet with her getting all upset? – Pedro, the Rooster

Dear Pedro: Tell her she looks extremely beautiful when her beak is closed.

 

9-7-2017

Dear Betsy: What can I do about all the foul language and violence on my DVD? – Cole, the Bull

Dear Cole: Throw it away, problem solved.

 

8-31-2017

Dear Betsy: My uncle has been paying a psychiatrist $200 an hour every week for over three years. What do you think? – Gomez, the Goat

Dear Gomez: He must be crazy.

 

8-24-2017

Dear Betsy: I’ve suspected that Pedro has been fooling around, and when I confronted him with the evidence, he denied everything and said it would never happen again. What should I do? – Paprika, the Hen

Dear Paprika: Wise up, dear.

 

8-17-2017

Dear Betsy: My mother is more mean and short-temper than usual. Why do you think this is happening? – Gomez, the Goat

Dear Gomez: Don’t take it personally. It could be that she is going through mental pause.

 

8-10-2017

Dear Betsy: Is it possible for someone to be in love with two heifers at the same time? —Cole, the Bull

Dear Cole: Yes, and also hazardous.

 

8-3-2017

Dear Betsy: My boyfriend’s birthday is next month. I’d like to give him something nice for his birthday. What do you think he’d like? — Annabelle, the Heifer

Dear Annabelle: Never mind what he’d like, give him a tie.

 

7-27-2017

Dear Betsy: I know boys will be boys, but my ‘boy’ is getting up there in age and he’s still chasing the females. Any suggestions? Paprika, the Hen

Dear Paprika: Don’t worry. The dog has been chasing cars for years, but if he ever caught one, he wouldn’t know what to do with it.

 

7-20-2017 

Dear Betsy: I’ve been going steady with my beau for over a year. We see each other every day and night. He says he loves me, but he never mentions marriage. Do you think he’s going out with me just for what he can get? – Annabelle, the Heifer

Dear Annabelle: I don’t know. What’s he getting?

 

7-13-2017

Dear Betsy: I’m getting really tired of Pedro strutting around and flirting with every female within crowing distance. When I confronted him about it, he said it’s the way any Southern rooster would behave. What am I going to do with him? — Paprika, the Hen

Dear Paprika: Cut off his hominy grits.

 

7-6-2017

Dear Betsy: I went out with my boyfriend last weekend to celebrate my birthday. I usually don’t drink, but since it was an occasion to celebrate, I had three Martinis, a few glasses of champagne, and two brandies. Did I do wrong? – Bailey, the Goat

Dear Bailey: Probably.

 

6-29-2017

Dear Betsy: Pedro has always been very close to his mother and she has never cared much for me. I asked Pedro if I were drowning and his mother were drowning, which one would he save? He said, “My mother because I owe her more.” I am so terribly hurt, Betsy. What shall I do? – Paprika, the Hen

Dear Paprika: Learn to swim.

 

6-22-2017

Dear Betsy: I am getting older and I would like to meet a bull my age with no bad habits. – Vinny, the Heifer

Dear Vinny: So would I.

 

June 15, 2017

Dear Betsy: I’ve been going with this heifer for a year. How can I get her to say yes? —Cole, the Bull

Dear Cole: What’s the question?

 

June 8, 2017

Dear Betsy: I’ve always wanted to have my family history traced, but I can’t afford to spend a lot of money to do it. Do you have any suggestions? — Clyde, the Donkey

Dear Clyde: Very simple. Run for a public office.

 

June 1, 2017

Dear Betsy: I don’t want to appear conceited but I’m forced to admit that I am one guy who has everything. Females are always flocking around me and telling me how good-looking I am and what a marvelous personality I have. I’m beginning to find this pretty annoying and extremely tiring. I just want to live a normal quiet life. How can I dissuade these hopeful females? — Pedro, the Rooster

Dear Pedro: Keep talking.

By | 2017-12-14T14:03:39+00:00 May 31st, 2017|Animals|Comments Off on Dear Betsy