Sneaking out to the Distillery

It was a warm and humid day on the Rype & Readi Farm Market; not necessarily a debilitating level of heat, no, but every breath required a measure of effort to achieve.

This heaviness of breath was especially apparent in the larger animals that lived on the Market, the most notable in one of the larger mammals on the Market, Gomez the goat. Currently, the poor ungulate was panting heavily as he sweated off any excess fat he ever might have accumulated in the past week or so, all but baking in his coat of fur.

“So ho-o-o-ot…” Gomez bemoaned weakly. “And so bo-o-o-ored… wish there was something I could do-o-o-o…”

“Well then how about goin’ on an adventure with me, eh?”

Sneaking off to the DistilleryGomez blinked when a weight suddenly settled on his back, and he cast an inquisitive glance over his shoulder. “He-e-e-ello, Ducky,” he bleated wearily, his lack of enthusiasm born purely of his physical heat-induced exhaustion. In any other situation, the goat would have been perfectly glad to meet the water fowl with enthusiasm, but in this instance? He just couldn’t find the energy for it.

Ducky’s smiling beak fell into a sympathetic frown. “Eesh, you’re melting too, huh? You’re lucky, your fur’s got nothing on the sheep’s coats. Still, sorry ‘bout that… but hey!” The duck perked up swiftly, his grin returning with a vengeance. “I know how ta cheer you up! Wanna go out for a bit and get something nice to eat? Betcha you won’t find it anywhere here on the market!”

Gomez perked up slightly at that, though his enthusiasm was tempered by his memory. “I dunno-o-o-o about that. The last few ti-i-i-imes my ma and I-I-I-I have left the Market? It ain’t ended we-e-e-ell for us…”

“Pish posh, don’t worry about it!” Ducky waved his wing dismissively. “We won’t even be going far, just a quick jaunt down and across the way!”

“Down and across… you mean the disti-i-i-illery?” Gomez bleated a lot more nervously. “I-I-I-I dunno, I’m no-o-o-ot anywhere near old enough ta-a-a-a drink, and I really don’t want ma-a-a-a to tan my hide if’n she finds o-o-o-out…”

“Oh come on, what, do you have goat cheese in your ears or something?” The duck quacked out with a quick laugh. “I said we’d have a snack, not a drink! I heard something about there being such a thing as ‘fermented nuts’, and, well, c’mon!” Ducky waved his wing towards the road. “Distillery means fermented drinks, so that means fermented nuts! Right?”

“Hm-m-m-mmmm…” Gomez scratched at his chin thoughtfully. “We-e-e-ell, your logic do-o-o-oes track… and I do-o-o-o like nuts…”

“Then allons-y, my friend! Allons-y!” Ducky quacked eagerly.

And with that, the pair left the Farm Market, ready and eager to have a fun time!

sneaking out to the distillery

Ten minutes later, Gomez slowly cracked his eyes open with a pained groan, a headache pounding in his skull. “What the…?” He muttered blearily.

“Ah, so-o-o-o you’re awake?”

Gomez worked his way up into a sitting position and blinked at the being standing over him. “Ma? Wha-owww…” The goat kneaded his forehead miserably. “Wha-a-a-at happened?”

“Depends,” Bailey sniffed. “Wha-a-a-at’s the last thing you re-e-e-member?”

“Uh…” Gomez scratched his head with a wince. “Me and Ducky snuck into the disti-i-i-illery with a tour group, to try-y-y-y and get some fermented nu-u-u-uts… then I got re-e-e-eally dizzy… and then that’s it…. Ah!” Gomez blinked in shock. “Do-o-o-on’t tell me… did I get drunk or so-o-o-omething?”

Bailey shook her head with an exasperated sigh. “No… lo-o-o-ooks like I need to tell you four things no-o-o-ow…”

“Four things?” Gomez questioned.

“Thing o-o-o-one,” Bailey stamped her hoof firmly. “The-e-e-re’s no such thing as fermented nuts, but there i-i-i-s fermented nut cheese, but they don’t sell any at the disti-i-i-illery.”

“Ah… i-i-is that so…”

“Thing two-o-o-o,” Bailey forged on. “Ya-a-a-a can’t get drunk ju-u-u-st by being near alcohol.”

“Re-e-e-eally? Then how-?”

“Thing three,” Bailey snorted, cutting her son off impatiently. “Is that when you’re really really hot, make su-u-u-ure to drink plenty of water, espe-e-e-ecially before you do something as going into a re-e-e-eally hot and humid room, otherwise you’ll get heat stroke.” 

“Ooooh…” Gomez winced self-consciously preparing to apologize… before blinking as something occurred to him. “Wait, one, two… that’s only three things, wha-a-a-at’s number four?”

“Oh, that’s e-e-e-easy,” Bailey grinned pleasantly. “Ya know that sayin’ about askin’ fo-o-o-orgiveness over permi-i-i-isson?”

Gomez nodded in confusion… and then paled right down to the tips of his horns when Bailey snorted furiously in his face.

“That saying doesn’t. Apply. To mothers.”

Gomez swallowed heavily. “I-I-I-I’m pickin’ up litter for a week, aren’t I.”

“Two.”

“Yeah, I-I-I-I figured…”

 

By Baxter Balick, contributing writer to Rype & Readi, Flagler College Sophomore


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By |2017-08-21T19:35:48+00:00August 17th, 2017|Animals|0 Comments
Dear Friends, Family and Valued Patrons of Rype & Readi

As we close 2018 and look forward to our 5th year, we once again welcome and will be challenged by change.

 

As many of you know, we took a calculated risk in opening at the Colee Stables downtown.
Property ownership had been disputed and litigated for the last 9 years. Finally resolved, we were regrettably unable to come to reasonable terms with the new owner and our lease ends on the 31st of December. This was complicated in part by a commitment we had made to expand our market operations downtown beginning next fall, adjacent to a well known, well trafficked anchor.
Rest assured Rype & Readi will have a downtown presence again. But for the immediate near term, we are consolidating operation to our St. John’s Golf Club facility where we will focus on catering, prepared foods, dinner events, cooking classes and, of course, a market for fresh local fine foods.
Please be sure to keep in contact with our social media on Facebook, Instagram, our website & newsletter to follow our happenings and special offerings.
Our location at the St. John’s Golf Club is a diamond in the rough. In addition to having a full restaurant and bar, we have a magnificent patio overlooking acres of manicured greens, gorgeous in the daylight and tranquil in the evenings when the golfer’s day is done.
With plenty of space on the terrace and adjacent properties (including parking for several hundred cars) this venue, at the intersection of State Road 207 and I-95 promises to host some creative, exciting and delightful family events throughout the coming year.
We fondly wish you all a festive and memorable holiday season and thank you for your continued support. Please let us know if there is any event, occasion or opportunity to help you celebrate life though a special event with great food and smiling faces.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year
With Profound Appreciation,
Your friends at Rype & Readi